Definition – Balance – a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions
Soooo many folks have told me of late that getting the ‘balance’ right his the hardest part of being a new parent. I feel you. I hear you. I am you, basically. The struggle, the juggle, the struggle, the washing, the nappy needs changing, the weekly shop, the am I going to get enough freelance work this month?, the childminder no longer can do wednesday, the friends to stay in touch with, the cat needs feeding, the I got up last time with her, the making time for sex, the fun to be had, the cat needs worming, the dishwasher is broken, the boiler needs a service, the birthdays to remember of 14 nieces and nephews and the rest, the which baby group to go to, more washing, making time for family, the I need to exercise, the calls to return, the comedy writing to do, the gigs to book, the guests to book for my radio show, the smears, the we should plan a pension, the we still haven’t done the pension, did I say the washing? Fuck me. I know. I did a sweary. BUT, it is a lot, righhht?
Now that my tiniest friend, apart from my beloved mobile phone and cat reaches a ripe old of 18 months I am finally starting to feel I may have got the balance just about right. Has it always been like this? No, Oh NOOOO my amigos. It has been bloody tough and resembled a woman who looks like a scarecrow on fright night crying with insomnia and generally feeling like she is not doing well in anything particular.
But of late, I feel like I have been scheduling within an inch of its life to make sure that the work life balance is possible. I used to want to be all things to all men. I have found out that you cant, it has taken 37 years. I now wont do things that don’t make me feel good. I am saying no to things I don’t want to. I am making plans for the things I do want to do. I am working hard to make money. I am parenting. I am following short term goals. I am looking after my health and my brood. I am not always winning at it. I am terrible at budgeting – but I want to get better. Fore more about this kind of thing – check out this insanely amazing book. The life changing magic of not giving a F87k
So , lets hear it for the boys. I am lucky. I know. I have an amazing plus one who has enabled me to go and perform stand up comedy a lot of evenings of late. Having the confidence to get back out there with gusto has taken its time. Rule one of comedy is getting good. Working at it has worked and I am loving it. Doing that on a good nights sleep is ideal. Doing it on sometimes very small amounts of sleep has been tough. However, getting back out there has seen me go to all ends of the planet to perform. My husbando has been the kind one, believing in me and being passed the baby at the gruffalo o’ clock to do milk and bedtime. He would get 10/10 on Trip Advisor.
To make the balance work you need that. Make time for that person. Somedays are as he would call it ‘a double ender’ – no not a lesbian film made in east london I am sorry to say. But the days where I do my magical show on Soho Radio followed by work then a stand up gig. Those days shiz is out of kilter so I have to make sure the following days I do give time and love to my crew dem. It could be a meal made, a hug, a sexy text to the Mr, – whatever it takes to remind him he is making it happen and that is special. It started with you two. Don’t forget it.
Making time for me is also important of balance and not selfish but absolutely of great importance ( for the greater good of everyone) – I have found that exercise has offered me that lycra bound key. Even if I have to sneak out of the house at 6am to make it happen in stained joggers with a hairband from 1986 and Petes sweatshirt, it is bloody worth it. Time to just work out and let off steam so as I can bounce back and get my gold medal in washing at 40 degrees every day courtesy of Hotpoint
No one told me I would be washing clothes every day amongst everything else. Seriously, Where is my medal?
I realise that to be able to look after my daughter, work and have a cracking enabler whilst pursuing my dreams is privilege but it is a planned privilege that is for sure. It takes work and buckets of communication. Every day. Amen.